The un-funny truth about Scientology

Mikey 20 comments
The un-funny truth about Scientology

There has been a lot of healthy 'debate' on this site between various religious defenders and atheists alike, but if there is one thing we can all agree on it's that Scientology belongs to crackpots is the least credible of all 'religions'.

As a quick refresher, among other laughable stories, Scientologist believe an alien ruler by the name of Xenu transferred millions of people to Earth 75 million years ago, placed them around volcanos and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living and continue to do so today.

If you think that sounds like the sort of stuff you would see in a bad hollywood production, you won't be surprised to know the basis of this 'religion' was made up by Science Fiction author L. Ron Hubbard, so make of that what you will. Moving right along...

This crackpotery is highlighted in the video below with some very scary stories. It makes you wonder how people who appear to be perfectly sane such as Jason Lee, Will Smith and Tom Cruise (OK maybe not Tom Cruise) can be a part of it. It sounds like a realm that belongs to Fundamentalist Scientologists but as far as I know there isn't such a thing.

If there are any Scientologists in our audience we would love to hear from you.

Update: This popped up on Youtube 8 hours ago, the only video posted by the user "".

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Sunday 20th January 2008 | 03:39 PM

I always assumed Scientology was something of a "free-masons" society (although to any masons, I don't mean your group is a shame, just a (ex) secret society).

I think they're probably a group of people who have a public face - but in private know it's a shame and simply work together to help one another. Why else would so many rich people sign on? Or people sign on, then get rich?

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Sunday 20th January 2008 | 06:58 PM

Ah Scientology - everyone's favorite whipping boy. 'Crackpots' is an understatement. I think it's rich people that sign on not the other way around. Even so that shouldn't be an automatic presumption of sanity. I mean think about it - the whole Xenu thing. What the fuck?

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Sunday 20th January 2008 | 07:42 PM

I make no apologies about referring to Scientologists' as crackpots because I have experienced their shady practices first hand. I may have mentioned this on this site before but let me risk repeating anyway.

About 15 years ago I was in the city an approached by a guy with a clipboard and he asked if I would give 5 minutes to take part in a scientific survey. I like science! I was early for an appointment anyway so I agreed.

This 'scientific survey' turned out to be a 20 minute personality self-examination. I entertained it through to the end anyway and completed all the questions with mostly false answers just so I could be done faster. A freaky guy took the paperwork from me and went away for 2 minutes while some other freaky guy talked meaningless crap to me about - "how about this weather" and what not.

So the first freaky guy comes back into the room and says they have examined my responses but it's not all bad news. For a measly down payment of $5000 and additionally monthly payments of $500 they can correct my 'obvious personality disorders'. He had a contract all ready for me to sign and slid it my way across the table with a pen.

I know then for sure I was in the presence of some sort of shady religious cult but as I hadn't even head of Scientology back then I was unsure of what. Anyway, I politely told them they were dreaming and I had to get to my appointment. I headed for the door when the 2nd freaky guy blocked my way and said something like "but you need to be fixed and only we can help! Don't you want to be fixed?" in a louder than speaking volume but not screaming.

I said I was happy with the way I am and asked he get out of my way. A third even freakier looking guy walked out from nowhere and grabbed my arm with the intention of dragging me back to the table. I resisted, pushed the other guy out of my way and made it out the door.

It wasn't until I told my mum later what happened and I mentioned there were L. Ron Hubbard posters all over the walls and Dianetics books everywhere that she told me they were Scientologits.

What scares me is a weak willed person or one who doesn't like confrontation might have signed the contract. Had I been 10 years younger I might have been scared enough to do as they asked.

There is some irony in all this. 15 years later and I turned out fine without their help, but Scientologists are still freaking nut jobs (surprise surprise). If anyone is in need of a personality examination it is them.

So if there are any Scienologits out there reading this, if Lord Xenu permits (snigger) you could you please anwer the following:

1) What is the need for intimidation tactics? Do you think it's OK?
2) Are you a freaking lunatic like the ones I encountered?
3) Did you pay obscene amounts of money to be 'fixed'?

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Sunday 20th January 2008 | 09:00 PM

Well, Hubbard was only a mediocre writer in my opinion so you can't really expect his religion to be made up better than some b-class book.

Haven't really met any scientologists in my life thanks to the fact that I live in a far away country that nobody has ever heard about and we're really friendly and loose about religion out here, but whenever I hear some celebrity tagging Scientology with him-/herself I feel my respect (if there ever even was any) fading.

And I'd start walking away fast the moment I see that the freaky-looking guy is leading me into some freaky-looking room. :P

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Sunday 20th January 2008 | 09:04 PM

A little over two years ago I was in Perth with a friend of mine and we were approached by two young men.
They seemed nice enough but a little too friendly for my liking. They started talking to us and invited us upstairs for a "seminar" about self help. At this moment I had already decided there was no way that I was going to go with them as I suspected they were Scientologists or some other weird cult. My friend however came from a broken family and had some self esteem issues and was keen to go. I tried to convince her that she shouldn't go with them but she couldn't see the harm in hearing what they had to say. Not wanting to leave her alone I decided to go with her to make sure she didn't do anything silly. We went upstairs to a room filled with chairs and people all around the age of 18-23. They started talking about personality flaws in people and basically pyschological mumby jumbo designed to pray on the insecurities we all have at this age. At this point I should say that I come from a solid family who taught me to have confidence in myself and was also brought up as a roman catholic and although there are some flaws even in my chosen religion I still have a stong enough faith to know that EVERYONE has insecurities and that this is not necessarily a bad thing. I mean imagine a world were everyone was totally confident about everything they did - in other words a world full of people like Tom Cruise - enough to make you sick really. I managed to get through to my friend and drag her out of there, but I have often wondered what would have become of her if I had not been there that day to talk sense into her. The fact that these people pray on people around the age group were our insecurities are running wild is very scary. I hope you receive lots of people reading this thread to warn them about the insidious attack that is happening to young adults and gives them the forewarning to walk away from these people when they approach them and not even start to listen to there physcobabble.

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Sunday 20th January 2008 | 09:18 PM

here is the official orientation video. it was on youtube but there is this message there instead now "This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by the L. Ron Hubbard Library"

but you can download it from here just use the free download option and wait 45 seconds.

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Monday 21st January 2008 | 04:08 AM

Thanks Michael, another direct hit, and most of it new information for me. I come away with more of the same crap that I have been seeing for the last few years: FEAR is the most powerful motivator...Proplerly applied, a plan for fear reduction/removal can be sold to almost anyone, for anything. For example: Fear fo germs in the bathroom and kitchen, fear of far fetched disease pandemics, fear of spending eternity in hell, fear of needing but not having four wheel drive....I'm not even going to mention terrorism, and on and on and on.

As you know I spent most of my life in the U.S....It is a fear driven is the rest of the world. But the government and media really have it down to a sciecne in the states.

Today, it would seem that there is almost a FEAR industry...quite unregulated, and without constraint. There must be a way for you and me, the regular (self proclaimed sane) to get a piece of this action...hmmmmmm

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Monday 21st January 2008 | 08:10 AM

Wow, makes me glad I'm not an easily-impressionable fool. I'd never really heard much about Scientology, aside from celebrity members and that it was crazy, and that video and Mike's experience proves the crazy part. The name is even a lie, there's nothing scientific about scientology, sci-fi, but not science.

And those scare tactics, murder conspiracies, and "audits" are simply dispicable. How can anyone be involved with an organization that was 1.) penned by a fucking SCIFI WRITER! 2.) involves itself in stooping to scare tactics to get money, it's like an Alien Mafia. OMG, that sounds like a good idea for a crackpot religion, I think I'll write a book about it, move to Hollywood, and make MILLIONS!! ...and people follow that "logic", it's an insult to humanity.

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Monday 21st January 2008 | 08:14 AM

I can't help but think it was just an experiment to see how many sheep out there would believe it. He's dead now so we wont ever know the truth! Or do we?

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Trevor Black

Monday 21st January 2008 | 10:05 AM

Johnson and Gillon got it right. It's seriously fucked up.

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Monday 21st January 2008 | 10:08 AM

This just in...

German academic compares Tom Cruise to Goebbels.

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Monday 21st January 2008 | 10:17 AM

I had a similar kind of experience to you Mike, I was in the city after finishing up with a client, on a high from finalising a big sale and walked through a 'mind body spirit' festival/exhibition thing on my way to some lunch. At the entry to the exhibition were several survey benches where people were offered a 'prize' for completing a survey for a 'study on spirituality or somehing alike'.

The 'prize' was a personality evaluation in very small dark room and was given by a very well dressed, tall, imposing character with a very thick american accent. From the moment I sat down, I felt like I was being interrogated, he was throwing accusations at me left right and centre, a complete barrage.

After a particularly vulgar question, I stood up to leave and he grabed my wrist just as another guy appeared through the door I had entered. They said that 'it was a test to see how I would react' and then went through a blurb of how all of the personality flaws I had could be easily fixed for $x.

I said I would think it over during lunch and let them know. They offered to take me out to lunch, but I declined saying I had a lunch organised with a client.

Needless to say, I was out of there so fast that the flash looked like a turtle next to me. As I pulled out of the parking garage, I noticed one of the creepy guys had followed me...

Freaky people!! I could definately see how someone unable to deal with confrontation would just go ahead and do it.

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Monday 21st January 2008 | 10:29 AM

Wow Jake glad to know someone shared a similar experience though I am not saying I wish it upon anyone.

They are through and through nutjobs. I was just sent this link BTW. Someone found the video that Scientology has banned because it makes them look even fruitier. Watch it before they file a complaint against Youtube and get it removed again. I have downloaded a local copy so if it does disappear I might slap it on this site.">

Update: This just appeared; Jerry O'Connell doing a Tm Cruise parody of the video above. Scary laugh!

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Monday 21st January 2008 | 12:13 PM

Tom Cruise seems to be attached to the romantic aspect of Scientology; doing something, helping others, etc. That in itself is an admirable goal, but those ideals are inspired by a sci-fi novel! That in itself invalidates the legitimacy of Scientology.

And if Scientology can bring people together, heal the sick, show criminals the light, etc, then what about the scandals in the article?

And I find it incredibly disconcerting that he's recruited over 1 BILLION wide-eyed people to join his ranks.

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Joe Marco

Monday 21st January 2008 | 02:56 PM

Tom Cruise the new messiah. 1 billion??? hmmm, that's quite a few people, me think the video exaggerates.

Religion is religion is religion, just another system of human behavior management techniques. It matters not whether one is a Jesus Freak, a suicide bombing muslim, or a nutball scientologist. It matters not whether it's suppossed dictation from God or the stories from a writer: is there really a difference?

Moses's parting the seas? Aliens blowing us up with hydrogen bombs?? The golden tablets of mormonism??

The intention might be well, but it's all for the wrong reasons, just like that road that was built to hell.

Note to self: Hire a celebrity as your talking monkey, to convince people your system of control is right.

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Tom Cruise

Monday 21st January 2008 | 04:41 PM

Hi. yes it's true I am nucking futs.

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Greg D

Tuesday 22nd January 2008 | 09:38 AM

Everything Scientology uncensored - High-Def vids & Deaths:

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Wednesday 23rd January 2008 | 03:59 AM

I thought Battlefield Earth was a pretty good book. His religion always gave me a laugh though, especially the South Park episode about it.

Scary thing is there are people out there stupid enough to believe this stuff.

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Wednesday 23rd January 2008 | 05:01 AM

Battlefield Earth was sadly too naive to be really entertaining. His Fear (the book) on the other hand was even interesting at times, but I guess that felt like so for me due to the fact that I like this kind of books/movies where nothing seems to be real and you find yourself asking "what the h..." time to time (I could bring Neverwas and even Pan's Labyrinth as an example of that). I was also fascinated by the way he told the story (although when it comes to interesting story-telling from the point of 'how you tell it' not 'what you tell' then Faulkner is surely one of the best).

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Thursday 24th January 2008 | 12:33 AM

yep they sound like any other religious cult, get what they need from you and cast you aside...take a look at tom cruise's wife she looks almost zombie like now...

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