Ask a sex worker: Your questions answeredMikey 20 comments
The big day has arrived. A little while ago we asked you to submit your best questions to be answered by three lovely ladies working in the sex industry. We put twenty of the best forward and received some very candid and insightful responses. I would like to take this moment to sincerely thank both Aabi and Robyn for taking time out of their busy schedules to indulge us. Unfortunately Vanessa has been ill lately and was unable to join in, but we wish her a speedy recovery. All 3 ladies are superstars all the same.
You can quickly skip to the responses using the links below, or just scroll down and read all one at a time.
Why do you do it? Is the reason now the same as when you started?
Aabi Magic: Undoubtedly it is about money. When I started in this business my husband and I were struggling financially and due to a dodgy business party in another unrelated industry we find ourselves in the same situation again.
Robyn: Since the age of 8yrs I have wanted to be a Sex Worker. I had no idea about sex at such a tender age. I was a very shy girl, introverted and anxious and remember watching a movie once where there were Street Walkers soliciting themselves, leaning against a wall with one leg cocked and approaching the oncoming cars. What I fell in love with was their air and confidence, the way these women were dressed in mini skirts and funky stilettos, tight tops and their hair and makeup was beautiful and the flawless and fearless way they approached another person to say hello and further communicate. A little while after that my Aunt said to me 'Robyn, what do you want to be when you grow up' of course it was only natural I replied with 'I want to be a prostitute' well she did a back flip didn't she haha and then passed it off as a joke. I used to sneak into my mothers bedroom when she was cooking dinner and steal a favourite pair of red stilettos she had and take them into my room and shove socks down the front of my shirt and parade around in front of the mirror imagining what it was like to be a woman and a Prostitute.
After that I tried all the things society expects of a young girl then and young woman of this world. I tried being a ballet dancer and found myself adding to everything I was taught which was the beginning of the birth of the non-conformist that is so strong inside me today. I had boyfriends, some of which I would fantasise with sometimes, when having sex, that I was indeed a Sex Worker. Never been officially married but have had several long term relationship and had one child who does not live with me, so yes I have tried the picket fence thing. Numerous jobs in offices, managing restaurants, sales, two of my own businesses (one a partnership) employing a few others, have studied a little, even tried being a good girl haha! All the while denying my real life dream. Finally in my very late 20s approximately 3yrs ago now I took the plunge into Sex Work and haven't looked back it has exceeded my expectations and I finally feel at home with myself, with others, men and have a deeper understanding of others wants and need, motivations and expectations despite touching on Psychology studies for over 6yrs on and off. I love and adore what I do now and I think others do too! Is the reason now the same as when I first started? Yes and now I can justify it!
Do you feel like you could leave the industry, if you wanted to or do you feel financially or otherwise, trapped?
Robyn: There are support groups around to help ladies and gents leave the industry if they are having trouble doing so for whatever reasons. I could leave at any point in time but would not dare to before I am ready I would miss it so otherwise. As for being trapped? Maybe others but myself no.
Aabi Magic: I am my own boss and no-one now dictates what I do and when I do it except me. I choose to be here to try and save what little property I have left until it sells. However, I will probably stay in this industry for a few years more yet.
Are you happy "doing what you are doing"?
Aabi Magic: Most of the time I enjoy my job but like any occupation it has its up and downs (no pun intended). I enjoy the impression I leave on other people and the things that I can learn from them on the way.
Robyn: Never been happier! We could ask to define normal here but I will go on to say it's the most 'normal' thing I have done in my life so far. What I find soul destroying is working, hard, for 40+ hours per week for someone you don't like and doesn't appreciate your efforts and when you feel you have no choice. That is soul destroying!
Does your job impact your relationships?
Robyn: Ahhh relationships. This is a very individual thing. As mentioned above I have done that and now at 33 not prepared to lock myself into anything serious like that again (nothing is absolute but def not at this point in my life) I have a different set of goals and motivations now and my relationships I now have are with my friends and those I chose to spend my time with. When in a relationship with a man I like to give my all and that is impossible with the amount of travel I do and the levels of commitment I give to my Clients, Activism and other Sex Workers in this industry, I simply feel it would not be fair on a man and he would have to be extremely patient lol, a big ask of anyone. I do know other ladies that are indeed married or in serious relationships and it works quite well for them, some of them have children and their hubbies are at home looking after the nest while these very strong and independent women bring home the bread so to speak and lotsa bread, sometimes the whole bakery! Leaving a very harmonious home life where the bills are paid and the option for private tuition for their children is not a pipe dream. Not in all households of course I am only speaking of the ladies I know and the ones that make it work.
Then there are others I have spoken to and know that have tried this and swear it is impossible, for them anyhow, to commit to anything but their jobs and feel it is something that would not work for themselves. Just like most questions here being asked the answers are very individual and this is mainly my thoughts and what works for me in my life.
Aabi Magic: When I first began in this industry, there was a slightly negative impact on my family in such a way that after being touched/groped, etc all day, I really didn't enjoy my husband and kids wanting cuddles the second I stepped through my front door but I had to deal with that by separating the "job" from my real life.
Do famous people come through your doors!
Aabi Magic: This industry is all about discretion so I cannot reveal anything in relation to this question as no matter which way I answer it people will start thinking.
Robyn: Yes. I have yet to meet anyone that is on a higher level of fame but have indeed met those who are multimillionaires, billionaires, I have been contacted by royalty (not going to disclose which country sorry) and producers both in the acting and music industries. When our clothes are off or we are talking about our inner most desires and feelings we are all equal.
How does religion (if any) fit into your line of work?
Aabi Magic: I came from a very religious upbringing so morally it was a little difficult at first but I see people of all nationalities and therefore religions and I am far more open to other possibilities and beliefs.
Robyn: Have often wondered why God has not emailed me yet? I am not religious but see it as rather Hypocritical the way some or most religions portray or view Prostitution. Did you know that St Peters Sq was built on the revenue of Prostitution? Was Mary Magdelin the first Prostitute? We will never truly know that one hehe.
Do your family and friends know what you do and if so do they treat you differently?
Robyn: I don't have a relationship with my family and I am an only child. This is not because of Sex Work but rather grew apart from my family at a young age. My friends? Most definitely yes and I announce my profession to all that are interested, I even mark it on forms when asked what I do for work.
Aabi Magic: Some family members and friends know and they think it is amazing and gutsy. Some have asked if I think they should try it and really I have to sit them down and give them the negatives (and there is plenty of them) as well as the positives and then the decision is up to them.
What steps (other than condoms) are taken to protect both you and the client from STD's?
Aabi Magic: I have regular testing, both blood and pelvic swabs. I do a health check on my clients. My hygiene routine is never broken. Change the sheets between every client, shower and expect them to do the same.
Robyn: I have regular 6 weekly Sexual Health Checkups at my local clinic. And are well educated on STD's and STI's (Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Sexually Transmitted Infections) and discreetly, without making it obvious, check each and every individual client before proceeding with the fun stuff even with regular clientele I have not seen for sometime.
Do sexual sickos and other dangerous men worry you? Do you take any precautions?
Robyn: This question you could ask any woman of any age, any ethnicity anywhere at any time. It does happen yes indeed but may not be as dangerous a profession as some may think. The Psychology of a Sadist with intent or rapist for example is getting off on forcing their subject to do what they are not comfortable with thriving on their fear. It just does not make sense for them to seek out then pay someone who is willing to perform and supply sexual acts. Once again I would like to say it does happen yes but it happens everywhere in all walks. In past times I have done a little self defence, an assertiveness course, Psychology has helped also, completed a security course and in times to come interested in doing my weapondary and a Private Investigators course also. Am I a force to be reckoned with? Certainly not but in saying that I simply don't attract less desirable personalities and they wouldn't last 2 seconds with me past an email or phone call! I have experienced far worse in personal non-working scenarios.
Aabi Magic: I guess having been in this industry a while now, your instinct tells you when something isn't right. However, I have security wherever I go and they have access to my hotel/apartment. I call at the beginning of each appointment and let them know whether I am seeing a regular client or a new person and how long they are staying for and then call them again at the end of each booking. I there is a serious length between the time we should be finishing and my calling them then they are at the door.
Can you pick and choose your own clients?
Aabi Magic: When you first speak to someone on the phone, you don't really know much about them. You might be able to pick their nationality or age but not much else. Once you have met them and spent time with them then for future reference, you can decide whether or not to see them again.
Does the repetition of your profession desensitise you to the arousal of sex in general?
Robyn: Can do with some but I have always had a high sex drive and been a very sexual person and cannot see that changing in the near future. I find the more I have the more I desire. Please understand once again that this is individual and merely how I feel. Others may not feel the same.
Aabi Magic: If I have a very busy day with a lot of hard to play clients, then yes it does desensitise me for a short period of time. However because I enjoy the job, I don't tense up and can relax and become aroused whilst at work.
Have you ever been asked to play out a scenario for a client that was particularly hilarious?
Aabi Magic: Personally, I haven't had this occur but when I was working in a brothel, a lady I worked with was asked to ride on a clients back yelling, "who's your daddy". We still have a bit of a laugh at that one.
Robyn: Yes I can think of two occasions in particular. If you would like to know more register on my forum and ask me to go into depth about those funny scenarios the stories would take up far to much of your time in reading if I was to write haha.
Why do you think your clients turn to you?
Aabi Magic: There area variety of reasons that clients visit a working lady. Some are single and lonely, some married and lonely. I have had clients who have been told to see a sex worker by the doctor after prostate operations, by their psychiatrists to reduce their stress. I have gents who email me, explaining that they really love their partner/wife/gf but the sex is ordinary or non-existent. If that is the only problem in their relationship then I tell them to see a sex worker rather than have an affair. Some clients are just oversexed and need to release that desire and some are just looking for something out of the ordinary.
Robyn: Sex, companionship - they may not have time to date or have problems in the areas of communication or just be lonely, understanding, education, a shoulder to cry on, exploring themselves and trying new things, the thrill of what some consider to be the 'forbidden', they might just be bored, have a love and admiration of all women, to validate sexual preference, or simply feel forgotten and unloved within the confines of a marriage, or even seek a threesome with their wives or partner. Actually people I could go on and on about the reasons why people choose to utilize the services of Sex Workers.
Do you promote you line of work? If so, how?
Robyn: Does Bugs Bunny eat carrots?! Sure do! 98% of my advertising is on the internet. I have business cards also and always looking at different forms of marketing within legal confines of course. I have a marketing personality haha.
Aabi Magic: I only promote as far as the laws in each state allow. The most commonly used ways are through the newspapers, internet and forums.
Have there been times when you were recognised by clients outside of work?
Aabi Magic: There are times when that occurs but I have an unwritten law that if this situation should occur the I won't acknowledge that person if they will oblige me the same respect.
Robyn: Probably have been yes but I am unaware of anything too obvious to date. I would have no problem with this my face is shown on the internet and I use my real name but we need to understand the importance of anonaminity in my industry, most Sex Workers would not be comfortable with being recognised and approached by clients outside of a work environment.
Are you taxed like other jobs? If so, what do you write on the tax forms under 'occupation'?
Robyn: Yes and I have to as I have a registered business name and Eftpos facilities. Escort/Prostitution is what I mark (and damn proud of it).
Aabi Magic: Of course, I pay tax. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to justify certain material items that I own. As an occupation I write Adult Service Provider.
Have you or would you ever consider purchasing sexual services yourself?
Aabi Magic: My husband and I have hired the services of a sex worker whilst on holiday for a threesome.
Robyn: I have considered this actually but am particular about receiving a good service I don't want to walk away with buyers remorse but yes have considered this on a few occasions. Maybe even to shout a mate or two a good time for their birthdays etc.
Are there many men in the business?
Robyn: Define many? There is definitely a demand for this albeit a much smaller one. All throughout history, presently and I suspect in the future also, my industry has been predominantly female dominated. I have known a couple of successful male Sex Workers and known a few that did not do so well. Attitude plays a very important role I think, I have met many young and very good looking men who have considered trying this or have and sworn they had the right attitude only to discover it most certainly was not for them. Not everything in life is what we expect. Of course if you are a Bi-Sexual or a Gay man then you will do much better in terms of gaining work and regular clients if that is what you are looking for. But there is definitely a small market for those who know and understand women, can present themselves, know how to market themselves and where etc there is an increasing number of women attending university now coming out with business degrees and working their ways towards being business owners or CEO's of small, mediocre and large companies leaving serious relationships and children to much later in life and occasionally hiring the services of Male Escorts and that is just one example there maybe bored housewives too!
Aabi Magic: There are a few fellows in this industry but once they realise that the ladies that book them aren't like the glamorous that they see in regards to the ladies who work in this business, I think they become a little disheartened. Good looking women can pick up anywhere. I have had 2 gents ring me in the past week asking how to get into the industry and what to expect. I give them the harsh realities and explain that if they want to make a go of this full time then they will probably have to be prepared to see other men also. That is a bit of reality check.
Do you have any plans to get out of the business?
Aabi Magic: I will probably spend another couple of years in this industry before retiring to my trained profession that I spent all that time and money studying at Uni.
Robyn: Not really LOL I hope to still have my hands in the business even later on in terms of putting together advice and marketing packages for other Sex Workers, writing books on the Industry, receptioning for other workers, and continuing my Sexual Surrogacy service, offering counselling for other workers once qualified, maybe shares in brothels and escort agencies and strip clubs later on. Remember I am living my dream and should I have regular clients in my 50s that have been seeing me for over 20yrs and still want to see me (some marriages don't last that long haha) then why should I stop?
Do you have any advice for anyone wanting to get into the business?
Aabi Magic: Call people in the business and talk to them about the industry because it is not for everyone. You need to be mentally tough. It may be that you need to start out in a brothel to learn the ropes and then move onto the private sector. Make sure you set yourself up in a business like manner, protect yourself and above all follow the laws of your state and you won't go wrong.
Robyn: Not in any particular order but the following are equally important:
Trust your instincts! Have friends inside and outside of the industry, market yourself accordingly if you have the best fruit and vegetable shop in town yet no one knows about it then how good is it really? Have at least some interest or better still passion for what you are doing, have goals and set steps towards implementing and SAVE SAVE SAVE for life is inevitable and changes with the seasons.
For those who are interested in learning more about myself, the industry and all that it brings please have a look at my web site. I have a forum you can register on and ask more questions, a chat room you can visit after registering to chat with other like minded people our clients and other ladies and I also have a diary/blog on my site for a more intimate look into my personality, if interested please go to www.doyourselfafavour.com.au see you there!