Why the cinema experience sucks, and how it can be fixed
Mikey 17 comments
It's no secret I'm not fond of movie theatres. Aside from the financial anal violation received when purchasing munchies and beverages in the foyer, the whole experience in my opinion is sub-par.
There are usually more than enough obnoxious teenagers talking or whispering loud enough to be a distraction, the sounds of munching and crunching, the uncomfortable seating, and of course if you need to take a bathroom break then you're going to miss some of the movie. Sometimes the sound is too loud and sometimes it's too soft. And sometimes you get an awful seating position. Not to mention the hassle of driving out there and finding parking. Yay what a great experience.
But those annoyances are nothing compared to the biggest of them: having separated with your hard earned dollars for any Michael Bay film a crap-fest.
The reality is that the only indication you have of how good a film is going to be is based on the trailer, and perhaps some other variables like the credibility of the director as just one example. Or on a recommendation from a friend. But we all know that doesn't always work out. Clerks 2 is proof of that (Sorry Movie Whore!).
I am proposing a solution to this problem, something I hereby dub 'try before you cry' TM.
I think movie theatres should give you 30 minutes to walk out and get a refund. Thirty minutes should be long enough for anyone to know if the movie is going to suck balls or of it's going to be worth sitting through. Way back when I was still hitting the movie theatres there were several times when I just wanted to leave, and felt betrayed and angry that anyone could possibly pimp the manure I was watching on the screen. I did leave on some occasions, and once even told the manager that because I had only watched 15 minutes that it would be morally wrong for him to deny me a refund. He disagreed.
This concept applies to many other business models. You can walk into your local music store and listen to an album before committing to a purchase. Some department stores will refund you no questions asked within a small time frame - even if you just don't like the product.
Cinemas would collapse under this model of course, as it they would have to start putting out quality movies every time in order to survive or risk all those refunds. Cinemas know they are dying, which is why we keep seeing gimmicks introduced to help support them like 3D, Smellovision (seriously), Sensurround and more.
For me personally, seeing the movie when it's released isn't at all critical. The entire concept of the 'positive movie experience' is a load of wank in my opinion and nothing will convince me otherwise.
I much prefer to wait a couple of months (or less sometimes) for the DVD release when I only have a $6 risk factor and all my family (and friends) can watch it for free. Try asking your local movie theatre manager to let all your family come in for the price of one ticket and see how far that gets you.
But for those who still think going to the movies is an enjoyable experience, I at least hope 'try before you cry' TM is introduced eventually.
Oppi
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 05:07 PM...in response to this comment by . "Would you eat 15% of a dinner then demand your money back because the flavor isn't right? "
Not the same...meals are consumable - movies are not.
Jen
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 05:08 PMGood idea but fail for reality factor and I'm not a fan of the theatre either.
EricVonZipper
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 05:09 PMI do this all the time Mikey. It's called The Pirate Bay and/or Usenet.
Adam Mordo
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 05:20 PMI suppose Technohard has a crappy entertainment system. I have a 52 inch plasma and a decent surround sound system. And there are a few more advantages watching a movie from home not mentioned in the article.
1. I can watch a movie completely naked even if I'm not watching porn.
2. If something in the movie startles me, I can squeal like a little girl and not be the least bit ashamed.
3. If a movie is so awesome that it melts my face off, I can go watch it again and have the rest of me similarly disintegrated.
4. I don't have to rush anywhere to cacth the screening time, the movie waits for me.
5. Remember that scene in Transformers where Megan Fox was bent over Bumblebee? Well, two words for yah. Slow. Motion.
Thanks for the good read Mikey!
Adam Mordo
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 05:22 PMSadly though, it would seem that I have lost the ability to spell. :(
...in response to this comment by EricVonZipper. I'm sure you're not alone there matey :-)
...in response to this comment by Adam Mordo. Thanks Adam. I have a good dedicated home theatre system too so I guess that's another compelling reason to ditch the movie theatre.
Anders
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 05:38 PMSorry but I like the movie theatre. And I'm one of those annoying teenagers you described ;-)
Laiste
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 06:35 PMI agree that there are times when other people can make watching a movie at the cinema a miserable experience but conversely there are times other people can make watching a movie at the cinema a sublime experience. things like Rocky Horror Picture Show are always more fun when surrounded by like minded others who also know all the words to the songs and don't mind if you sing them out loud. I'll admit, they don't make as many of those "group experience" / cult sort of movies as they used to. Which is a shame. Having said that I only go to the cinema for something I REALLY REALLY want to watch. Like Star Trek (please be good, please be good!!!) If I'm iffy about it I'll wait. If there really was a try before you buy I'd probably risk going to more movies.
Rodney
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 07:05 PMGood idea but as someone with a 6 month old baby I dream of the chance to get out and waste my money at the movies! :-)
Actually, for the nice experience, I like to go to Gold Class. Expensive as hell but it's a nice way to watch a movie. Plus being so expensive, you never get idiots in there, either. Although I admit (if you still live where you used to) that's a hell of a long drive to go to the movies, for you (question to Mike btw)?
Michaelc
Wednesday 22nd April 2009 | 08:05 PMTry before you cry already exists. It is called bittorrent. Most movies are available online before they have left the theatres, and although many of the files are crap quality, they are good enough to tell whether the movie is worth paying for. I got both Watchmen and Xmen Origins from bittorrent and decided they were both worth seeing in a theatre, so I did. I wish I had done the same with Iron Man, and I am glad I did not waste money on The day the earth stood still or Knowing.
Kissthis
Thursday 23rd April 2009 | 01:35 AMI feel your pain, Mikey. I rarely visit the theater, unless it's a dating scenario, because frankly, I prefer having dinner before I get screwed! Even if I'm not the one paying, it's a matter of principal. :)
Besides, I have cable and "On Demand". So I can watch a movie anytime I want, according to my schedule, and can pause it as needed. However, this is still a rarity, as I'm usually busy doing other things. :)
Jake Farr-Wharton
Thursday 23rd April 2009 | 07:23 AMGeeze you're a complainey-pants Mikey, aren't you!
Even with an incredible network of family eagerly begging for an opportunity to babysit, I really enjoy nights out with the wife where we do a dinner and a movie thing. My wife isn't a fan of the theatre and I hate going to concerts (talk about too loud - did I just show my age) unless it is classical music, so the movies are usually a fairly happy medium.
My youngest girl is also now at the age where we can take her to kid movies and she is happy to sit through the majority of the movie with only one potty break. We went to see Monsters Vs Aliens recently and she loved it.
But then again, we just go to our local cinema, $5 for adults and 3.50 for kids of any age for any movie and the confectionary and bevvies are pretty ok priced... then again, I just get popcorn for the girls and water for myself. The Eldorado where we do is a pretty modest establishment, the seats are comfy, but they're not cineplex, and if someone talks or kicks the back of your seat, you either tell them to shut up or you go and sit directly behind or beside them and do the same thing to them.
Gold Class is also pretty nice when a good movie comes out, nice movie and a gormet meal to boot (assuming they cater for your dietary needs, which they have just started doing for coeliacs like me).
I don't know dude, I think movies are the bomb.
TVBIZ(BOB)
Thursday 23rd April 2009 | 11:15 AMSORRY FOR THE DOUBLE ENTRY!
Who would pay the theatre for the loss of electricity, staff wages, fee paid to the distributors etc, if you decided to want your money back after the first 30 minutes???
A better way would be to fine the idiots who do spoil it for others.
If I pay hard earned money to go and watch a movie then I want to watch that movie and not be distracted by idiots who are trying to impress their mates or girlfriends, or any other moron for that matter! Yes I know it is a public place and it is hard for everyone to just "SHUT THE F#*K UP".
Think about it people - if you want to talk and eat then do it before you go in and watch the movie!
My number one reason for not going these days is the very fact that it is not safe anymore, no security; no respect from other people; cost way too high and the movie will just sucks anyway.
It doesnt matter how much money the theatres put into their premises if the space around you is detractive and uncomfortable then nothing will save it.
Again fine the people who spoil it for others and then give that money back to the theatre owners who are struggling because of the lack of patronage!
One last solution would be to have a bold flashing sign outside saying that only people with at least half a brain can enter - a full brain preferably
Dave VB
Thursday 23rd April 2009 | 11:46 AM...in response to this comment by . Technohazard says. "Would you eat 15% of a dinner then demand your money back because the flavor isn't right? "
Well, yes. I have and will do so again. A vast majority of the time, they comply and either re-cook or offer something else off the menu.
I'm with Rodney, with a youngster (Who is now almost 2) and no local family support to baby-sit; I yearn for the chance with the Missus to just catch a movie.
Mikey, I too would like this Try Before you cry buizzo. (Did I just infringe on your Trademark?) I couldn't see that there would be too many people who would actually take them up on this offer and they show the movie whether they sell 2 tickets or 200, so costs would not change much. The only thing that could come of it is a positive, increased patronage. People who would be iffy about seeing a movie may not usually invest in an actual viewing in case they wasted their time and money. This scheme would draw more people through the doors. Anyone in sales will tell you that the more prospects you have, the higher the revenue earned. It could be viable, but still inviting if they didnt offer you a refund, but maybe a free pass for another movie...Youre stuck with the popcorn though.
Dude what"s up with dogging Clerks 2?
Only kidding, I know the flick is not for everyone. For me it is a movie I get into on a very personal level. Similar experiences and no I am not talking about the donkey show.
The only lick I ever walked out on was The Omen remake and I am still pissed they got my money.
To really fix it you need to give the theater a bigger cut of the box office sales instead of the pittance they receive now. It is borderline criminal.
Then get rich and give me money to make movies that you will be happy to pay to see. I know a few cats that have a lot of talent that could use those funds to create some outstanding cinema.
Movie theaters would never go for a 'try before you cry' approach. You pay money for admission - not movie quality. Caveat emptor! I could understand if there were something wrong with the movie (you can't read the subtitles, mechanical failure, motion sickness due to camera motion... ?) but the idea that you can get your money refunded simply because the movie doesn't meet your aesthetic preferences is laughable. Would you eat 15% of a dinner then demand your money back because the flavor isn't right?
This is a cited reason for the rise of film piracy - pirates will download a movie and check it out on the small screen before forking over $10-$15 for theater admission if the only quality indicator is a 3.5 minute trailer. As is often the case with music, games, and film this preview causes 'quality' productions to receive more revenue than otherwise - a recent study showed music pirates buy more music overall than non-pirates. I imagine the same is true for film pirates.
The primary reasons to pay to see a film in a theater are twofold.
1) The screen is HUGE
2) The sound system is awesome.
For this reason, I only try to see 'spectacular' films - even if the film isn't perfect in every way, you're still enjoying the immersive experience. A good example is J.J. Abrams' "Cloverfield". On the small screen it's honestly not that scary. On the big screen, in a darkened theater, with earth-rumbling surround sound, it was a heck of an experience - despite the rank odor of fake butter and squealing teenage girls.