The Death of Blow JobsJoe Marco 20 comments
Cancer is killing the fun out of everything. First it was smoking, then the sun, then red meat, then drinking, then warming up your left overs in a plastic container in a god damn microwave, and now...blow jobs...jesus man, is nothing sacred?
You take away blow jobs and you’ve effectively killed us. As it stands from this point on, we have anywhere from ten to twenty years left before we see an explosion in Cervical, Mouth,Throat, Penile and the ever dreaded Anal Cancer. And we owe it all to a subtle virus that according to the CDC of all sexually active people, 50% of them sooner or later will contract HPV...the virus responsible for genital warts and now oral cancer.
I like to smoke. I like to drink. I like to screw on occasion and never, not once have I ever said no to a blow job. I think Captain Kirk said it best, “Blow Job is a common earth greeting!”. What testosterone filled male would ever refuse a BJ? Even when one doesn’t want to sleep with an ugly girl you still let her give you head.
I once got blown by a fine lady on the streets of Savannah Georgia all within 5 minutes of meeting her, and now those days are OVER!
Cancer is killing everything. The other day I heard that Cancer was to blame for global warming as well as the high price of chinese steel. When AIDS came onto to the scene people panicked and soon we realized...it only sucked if you were poor and living in Africa.
But now this, a grand equalizer of sorts, the kind of thing that Bill Clinton would shutter at...if he were in the oval office again.
There’s no one left to trust; every man, woman, and child has become some sort of whore with this insidious life-form lurking within the shadows...scientists fear that it might even be transmittable through simple saliva contact...no more sharing of drinks or joints. Every one is a god damn candidate and everyone is a god damn commie.
Forget about praying to ol’ Jehovah, he’s up there belly laughing his ass off at part two of Sodom and Gomorra. The one’s you should be praying to are the pharmaceutical companies with the cures...Call me what you will; an alarmist, a nut job, a conspiracy theorists, but like any good drug dealer, it is best to keep the client hooked than to cure...for a cure would stop their gravy train.
So what is one to do in this new found crisis? Not a damn thing. Pretend I never wrote this. Pretend everything is okay...pretend that hussy who you just ate out...has a vagina ladened with gold and a stamp of approval from the FDA.
As we grow larger and more idiotic, the ones who’s voices matter, will either be killed or silenced by the avalanche of tweets, tits, and shit you don’t need.
For this has become an end game that has already played itself out before a move was ever made. Sleep well kids.